Andi Long is the founder of the Bloom Foundation, a social-emotional learning program that encourages middle and high school girls to grow from bullying. Having experienced bullying when she was younger, Andi took the lessons she learned and created this curriculum to help the next generation of young women cope with bullying incidents. In this episode, Andi discusses cyberbullying among teens, its effects and how girls can navigate bullying experiences.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Hello, and welcome to the Hope Happens Here Podcast. This is Kate Gosney Hoffman. We're so glad you're here. Today, I have the pleasure of sitting down with Andi Long, the founder of the Bloom Foundation. And we're going to talk a bit about bullying, cyber bullying with adolescence. So just a little bit about Andi, after experiencing cyber bullying herself in 2009, Andi researched bullying during her studies at the University of California Irvine. And for over 10 years, Andi has studied bullying and how it affects both children and teenagers.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Andi founded the Bloom Foundation, an organization that provides social, emotional learning programs to girls experiencing these types of bullying. The Bloom Foundation teaches emotional intelligence and tools on how to navigate bullying before, during and after it happens. Andi has spoken to over a thousand young girls and leads, trainings, and workshops to educate and empower others. Welcome Andi.
Andi Long:
Hi. So happy to be here.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So glad to have you here. So, wow. It seems to me that this is a very relevant topic, has been for quite some time, but it also seems that in the light of the last year where everybody has been remote and probably on social media, more than ever cyber bullying is, I mean, what an important topic to be addressing right now. So before jumping in about everything, can you tell us a little bit about how you got to this point? What did the Bloom Foundation, I'm going to be real corny here, what did it bloom out of for you? How'd you arrive to this point?
Andi Long:
Yes. I love that. So Bloom Foundation really started from a personal experience and when I was young and when internet was just starting, so we had dial-up internet when I was in sixth grade in middle school. So we had to connect to the internet, wait 20 minutes and dial up to the internet. But I remember that my first experiences of exploring the internet, there was a website called School Scandals, and unfortunately middle school students had access to that and they could write whatever they wanted.
Andi Long:
So I do remember on School Scandals, someone had written, actually created a username, Andi is a loser, and just started writing things about how I was dressing and just really mean things about me. And as a sixth grader, it was really difficult to navigate that. I mean, even just getting used to the internet and not knowing who was saying those things about me was difficult. And I remember that experience really staying with me.
Andi Long:
And unfortunately that wasn't my last experience with cyber bullying. I went to a new school and it's a different website was around. It was called Juicy Campus and a similar concept where someone wrote Andi Long and discuss, and they wrote comments just about my appearance, about being fat. They said I was fat and needed to go to the gym.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
My God.
Andi Long:
I was ugly, ugly without makeup, but with makeup, I was a raccoon digging in the trash.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Oh, my gosh.
Andi Long:
It was a lot, yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
That's awful.
Andi Long:
And just called all these names. I had stories shared of me. So that was a really hard experience. And to use the analogy of blooming, I felt like very buried under what other people thought of me. And I really believed what they said about me, which I think was a big part of it is not just hearing those things, but really believing it to be true. And so after that, I went into my own mini quarantine a little bit. So I just stayed inside a lot, made a lot of ice cream, watched a lot of Twilight and stayed inside.
Andi Long:
And then one of my friends, actually, she noticed that I was in a harder spot. She's kind of like an older sister mentor type. And so she invited me to church and I went there and I remember hearing this quote that they shared and they said, "They tried to bury us, but they didn't know that we are seeds."
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
I love that quote.
Andi Long:
I love that quote.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah. That's one of my favorites, that is so powerful.
Andi Long:
Absolutely. So that really landed and I felt so connected to that and I decided, okay, I felt like I was buried, but what if that's where I've been planted to bloom and to grow from this.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Oh, wow.
Andi Long:
So I really took that to heart and started getting really involved with the community and finding out all these different lessons on how you can build your emotional resilience to grow through things like.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And to pause you for just a minute, how long after your initial experience with bullying was this? How long were you kind of experiencing before you had that insight?
Andi Long:
So probably a couple of months.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Okay.
Andi Long:
Yeah. So a couple of months of just being really sad.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah.
Andi Long:
And pretty depressed and alone.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah, totally.
Andi Long:
But then a couple of months after that, I was able to turn it around, but that turning around process is a longer process.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Andi Long:
So over the years, I really just dove deep into how to build that emotional resilience and really stay connected to community. And I think community and people coming alongside of you, it's so incredibly helpful.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yes. It's everything.
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
The community, absolutely.
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So you were so young at this time already gaining this wisdom and these building blocks of how to have that emotional resiliency and what kinds of things... I was going to say, did you learn, but I mean, what stands out the most to you in terms of tools that help get you through?
Andi Long:
Yeah. So there are several. I feel like you can even divide it too, to the personal, community and the world, or just like, yeah. So I think for yourself, for personal development, I think it's really identifying and cultivating self-worth and not letting what other people say about you affect that.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah.
Andi Long:
So really cultivating, self-worth, identifying those things that you like about yourself and with that comes self compassion and just being your own friend and cheerleader and support system. So I do think it starts from within and there's tools that you can gain to build yourself up. And then I think with community, just identifying your support system and identifying people who are in your corner and even if that means reaching out to people, I think that that's huge and knowing, I think it's a big kind of lie that you can believe that you're so alone and that there's no one there to help you, but really identifying that there are people and resources that we can access them and be connected to different people.
Andi Long:
And then I think one core thing that helped as well is just realizing that we have an opportunity to help others and that that's always accessible to us. And it can be as easy as opening the door for somebody, or it could be going to volunteer at a local organization, but there's so many opportunities to kind of look beyond ourselves too and connect to just helping the greater good.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah. So being of service?
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
I mean, that's a big pillar and kind of the 12 step community with recovery from addiction and whatnot, but also just in mental health recovery as well, just being of service and helping others and realizing the impact that you have on other people, because so much of depression, anxiety struggles with any kind of emotional or mental health low that anyone might go through it is that self-worth, that you talked about gets, depleted and it's really easy to have these lies that start to happen in your head that you don't matter, nobody cares about you. There's just no reason for you to be around. I mean, just some dark stuff goes on especially as a young adolescent, because social interaction is just so it's everything, right?
Andi Long:
It's everything. Yeah.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So when you realize actually you have the power to help somebody that you add value to their life, that can be really empowering, I can imagine.
Andi Long:
Exactly. Yeah, that's so well said. And yes, oh, it allows you to see beyond yourself too, and your problems that seems so pervasive or permanent and personal, but it allows you to see beyond that and tap into think someone else's, and that develops your empathy and strengthens just your compassion. And then like you said too, it does add that value and helps you find some purpose in your day to day,
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
What a good point too, about being able to see beyond yourself. And I think that's so relevant to the age that we're talking about right now too, with kids because the brain is in such a developmental stage, right? And we're learning empathy. I mean, that stuff is really built when we're really, really young, but still as an adolescent. I mean, everything is still going through such a malleable process with our brain development and these belief systems get formed really young.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And so, to be able to realize your impact on other people, your emotional resiliency, your emotional intelligence at such a young age. I mean these are building blocks for the rest of your life. I mean, it's such an important and critical place to be having these hard lessons, not saying that cyber bullying is okay and I wish that upon anybody, but to be able to, I guess, go through the resolve that you did and the experiences that you did to come through it and have the healing that you did and funnel and channel that towards what you're doing now I mean that's amazing.
Andi Long:
Thank you.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah. It really is. And an inspiration to kids that like, actually you do have the power to do that. You can use this for the greater good.
Andi Long:
Right.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So you started learning all these tools and I'm assuming it helped.
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And so, tell us a little bit more about your journey from that point?
Andi Long:
Sure, yes. And I do love what you just said too. I think one of the last kind of lessons is that your stories can become your strength. And then that you have a specific purpose after what you've been through and to pass that along. But yes, so I think the journey has been really incredible. So our first partner was with KidWorks, they're a local organization in Santa Ana in Orange County, and we did a mentoring program there and it was so cool to see the transformation of a student. Her name was Diana or you might have to...
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
It's okay.
Andi Long:
She was an eighth grade student and she experienced severe bullying. And it was such a pleasure to work with her and to teach these lessons and to watch her grow and just increase her confidence. And that was just really phenomenal. And we saw her go from in the beginning of the program, she said she was sad most of the time and just going through a lot. And then at the end of the program, she said that she feels more warm and comfortable and confident, so that's a huge win.
Andi Long:
And so, from there, from our first organization partnership, we were able to work with several other locations and organizations in Orange County. And it's just been such a joy to work with girls and to really develop their self-confidence hear their stories and there're even ways that they've learned to overcome that might be different, but just so powerful. And also to just continue to create that community of strong young women who really want to empower and overcome and to help others. It's been really nice.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah. I bet. And I love what you said too about learning from them, because I mean, you have your experiences obviously, but then it's a reflexive process of learning from them as well and being able to gather tools and let them be empowered and teaching what's worked for them as well.
Andi Long:
Right.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Building that community.
Andi Long:
Right.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So how long has Bloom been around?
Andi Long:
Since 2017.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Oh, wow.
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Wow. So what exactly does Bloom do? What does it offer?
Andi Long:
Yeah. So we have an eight week program and it goes through those lessons that we've discussed and each lesson is a phase of growing or blooming. So it starts out with being buried, being planted, growing strong and then yes, growing strong spreading seeds, so that's the kindness and the finding purpose. So our eight week program we work with about 10 students, each class or group is about 10 students or less. And we'll just go through that each lesson for eight weeks.
Andi Long:
And that's what our biggest program is but we also do offer some one-time workshops that are two hours long and we do offer trainings for educators as well.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Oh, right on. So what are the age groups that you work with?
Andi Long:
For the girls 10 to 18. So we focus on middle and high school.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Okay wow. And how many are in the workshops at a time or does it kind of...
Andi Long:
It does depend, but for our eight week program, it's 10 students and then for the one-time workshops, it can be up to 25.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Okay. Kind of how awesome. And I love that it is that based on that quote about the seeds, like the whole format of it is kind of based on that aha moment you had with that quote, it is beautiful.
Andi Long:
Yes, thank you.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So they come feeling buried and they realize the power and their ability to grow and flourish.
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So this is a very powerful resource. Is it just girls? Okay. It's for the girls specifically. Yeah, we talked about that, but why do you find that that is... I mean, you obviously set that up intentionally because what was your reasoning for that?
Andi Long:
Yes. So I think that girls experience bullying a bit differently, whereas it's so social, it's so focused on kind of that social hierarchy and it can actually happen a lot more with your own friends. And I think the way that students respond to it emotionally differs a for females. And I just noticed when I experienced bullying that there was a lot of information and tips online, but not something that could address the emotional process of navigating bullying.
Andi Long:
And so, that's why we focused on girls is because that bullying is different and also just really wanting to make sure that we address that emotional navigation of bullying because of all of those effects, like anxiety, depression, just self-harm. I think that, it's really correlated and connected. And I thought that there should really be a kind of a resource and program that's like this for women and girls.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Absolutely. And you studied bullying for a long time. I mean, alongside your own personal experience, you actually made this a topic of education for yourself, a focus of education. And so, I mean, I'm really curious to pick your brain about what that it does. I mean, you mentioned some things about kind of the repercussions emotionally in young girls. How would you describe the effects of cyber bullying in young women specifically? I mean, what have you seen, what are some examples of signs and symptoms of cyber bullying?
Andi Long:
Sure. So signs and symptoms, they're are just a lack of self-esteem, the lack of interest and in schools or school work or activities, anxiety, depression, and isolation, which is exacerbated too with COVID-19.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah just totally.
Andi Long:
And anger irritability, like definitely a lot of those side effects, but the problem is too that they can last into adulthood and that it can come out in different ways too, with just friendships but yes, definitely.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Do you think that in cyber bullying specifically, do you think there's more of a secrecy around that, like an extra amount of shame that girls might actually not admit that it's even happening because it's not being witnessed really by anybody else?
Andi Long:
Yeah.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
I mean, it is... I mean, I'm sure other people are on social media seeing it, but it's not like they're at school and somebody hears somebody say that to them. So they don't have an alliance with anybody right off the bat.
Andi Long:
Right.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
If that makes sense.
Andi Long:
It does. It does. And there are two types of bullying, there's public and private. So public would be something more that everyone can see more easily reportable, whereas private could be just a direct message, correspondence that is really negative and that yes, can lead to a lot of secrecy shame, and it's less likely to be reportable and can be even more dangerous. So, I mean they both are extremely negative and can have really bad effects, but that's kind of what the difference too, with even just like private bullying and public cyber bullying.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Right. That's interesting because it's all happening digitally, I guess, right? But it's still public versus private and that... Because if they get like a direct message, what do they do with that? Right? It's just...
Andi Long:
Right. Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Just hurtful. Have you seen in the last year, an uptick in this? Have you noticed? I mean, what have you seen with Bloom?
Andi Long:
Yeah, definitely. Some research has shown that cyber bullying has increased 70%.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
That's huge.
Andi Long:
With I think beginning from either March or April of 2020, and then also there's been a 200% increase to hate crimes sites or hate sites.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah, wow.
Andi Long:
So definitely an uptick but I do think that it's just really, the climate has added to it, to where if you are experiencing cyber bullying, just with that social isolation and the effects of the pandemic too, it does add a lot to just any adolescent.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah. I mean, because they're already, we've talked a lot about this on the show. They're already struggling with remote learning, digital burnout, the stress of not having the community that they once had. I mean, it's starting to shift now I think, but still, I mean, there's sort of a collective trauma going on through our society and then, specifically their own kind of version of that in the adolescent and the kids and adolescent who have adolescents who have had to experience this. So that's already there and then on top of that, social media has really been for so many kids, their main form of communicating and connecting with their friends, I'm assuming.
Andi Long:
I think so.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And so it's sort of adding insult to injury a bit, because they're already vulnerable.
Andi Long:
Right.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And then having the uptick in cyber bullying on top of already having that digital burnout and that isolation and disconnection, it just seems to me like a recipe for some not great things, some trouble there.
Andi Long:
Right, absolutely. So our team is really, really having some big conversations around that and how to meet teens where they're at and empower them to build on that emotional resilience, I was mentioning too, because it does apply to cyber bullying and bullying. But as you said, they're up against a lot right now. And I do think it's critical to evaluate that and just kind of see how as adults and just, you know, we can really empower them and empower this next generation more than ever.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Yeah.
Andi Long:
Yeah. I also know the statistic that about 60% of teens have reported feeling anxiety and depression this past year. So I think a collective sense of hopelessness, which I think there's just a huge opportunity to provide the youth with tools, resources, programs, and just hope and even if it is us sharing our stories or... Yeah, just really pouring into them, building them up as much as we can.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
I love that pouring into them, watering them, right?
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And, encouraging the hope is really, it's just kind of I mean, Hope Happens Here podcast, right? That's why we're here. And I think it's so important what you just said to sort of normalize, not normalize it, but let them know that they're not alone in this because like we've talked about already just sort of the isolation is real, the feeling of isolation. And then when they're getting bullied, it's easy to feel that shame about talking about it.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And when they connect with a group like yours, they realize that everybody has these similar types of stories. And just in, that in itself is healing to just know that you're not alone, like you were talking about in your experience with finding community. So, I mean, thank goodness something like Bloom is around and people like you that are out there that are resources for kids because we've said this before here in talking to other professionals in this field that there's this sort of, kind of a parallel epidemic that's happening with kids, sort of a mental health concern.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And so, highlighting these kinds of resources I think is just critical. So tell us where can they find a Bloom? I mean, what, where should they go? Where does one start? Whether it be a parent or a kid, where should they start?
Andi Long:
Sure. So I think for teens to be connected to our Instagram account, which is just Bloom Foundation on Instagram, and we like to post inspiring content there. And then for parents, please visit our website, which is hellobloom.org. So just hellobloom.org. And there's more information there, ways to connect with us. And so those are probably the two best ways and feel free to reach out by email.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Awesome.
Andi Long:
Yeah. We would love to just be connected. Yes. Thank you.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Do you have any advice or guidance for parents in terms of maybe they're seeing this kind of thing happen and maybe their child is not really talking much about it because it's embarrassing or whatever. What would you say to parents who are seeing this happen to their kids?
Andi Long:
Yes. I think that, I would say to model vulnerability first and foremost.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Good one.
Andi Long:
I think that it is a lot for teens to open up, especially to parents. I think they are more likely to open up to their peers. But if they see that you are modeling vulnerability by sharing kind of maybe even your experiences of struggling or maybe if you are suspecting that it could be bullying, just experience that you have had, or someone said something negative and how that impacted you and just knowing, that it's a safe space to not be perfect or to not have it altogether sometimes.
Andi Long:
I think that that can actually kind of open the door to just communication and just I'm thinking of, we have this Bloom contract that we kind of share in the beginning just to kind of set the tone of, of confidentiality and like vulnerability or just to be a safe space.
Andi Long:
And so, one thing we end with is just, "I let go of perfection and I'm here to learn and grow." And for parents, maybe just to know that you're in that too with your teen and you're open and willing to just grow through this. And another quote we love is to grow through what you go through. So just kind of embodying that and you don't have to be perfect. And just knowing that you are there for them, that you love and support them is huge. And it doesn't have to look a certain way, but that's probably what I would say.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
That's great, useful and so true. And just to sort of allow what's real to be real and be willing to be vulnerable yourself as a parent is sometimes hard, but it is really important. And I think lastly, I'd love to ask you what you would like to encourage or say to, or just let any young person know who might be experiencing something like this right now what would sixth grade Andi want to hear at this moment?
Andi Long:
Right.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Putting on the spot a little bit.
Andi Long:
I love this, that's a great question. And we do this exercise a lot, just writing a letter to your younger self.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Oh, so powerful.
Andi Long:
But yeah, I think that, I would say, you are loved, you are enough and you are worthy. You don't have to strive or earn love or acceptance and approval because you are great as you are. And you will grow into being someone who you're proud of and just to keep going and keep finding those people who can come alongside you and also look for ways that you can help and improve the world too. So yeah, I think that I would definitely just say keep going and you're doing a good job.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Totally. We matter, right?
Andi Long:
We matter.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
You matter. Absolutely. And oh, gosh, sometimes just simple words like that go, we need to be reminded.
Andi Long:
Absolutely, so true.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
And you remember their power that they can make a difference and so tell me the website one more time.
Andi Long:
Sure. It's hellobloom.org.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Hellobloom.org. Great.
Andi Long:
Yes.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So Andi, I appreciate so much that you've been here and been so open and honest with us about what you've been through and how you got to this point. The Bloom Foundation sounds like such an amazing resource for these young women who have experienced such difficult times and especially in light of what's been going on in the last year. So I just want to thank you again. And I know that you have a letter that you have from one of the girls that you worked with. Maybe this would be a good time, let's end with that.
Andi Long:
Great. Yes. I'd love to share. So it says, dear me, don't forget to be kind for giving and caring. You are always so nice, so stay that way. And don't forget to love yourself for who you are and never let the judgment of others offend you. You are amazing, smart, beautiful, nice, loving, and thoughtful. Don't ever give up art and always know that your art is great, no matter what people say.
Andi Long:
Always be kind and always remember that words do hurt but another thing is that you are pretty, and it does not matter how you dress, how you look and how much you weigh always be you. Be you be kind and be amazing.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
I love that so much.
Andi Long:
That's sweet.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Thank you for sharing that. Such an example of the kinds of things that they do while they're working through the workshops.
Andi Long:
Exactly. So sweet.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
So powerful.
Andi Long:
Thank you.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Learning that self-compassion, that you mentioned before becoming your own friend goes a long way. So thank you again.
Andi Long:
Thank you.
Kate Gosney Hoffman:
Talk to you soon.
Andi Long:
Great.